Learn English with Teacher Joe

My last post got me thinking about some of my experiences in learning French. Although I have had a lot of good teachers, it seems that when I started learning French I had a lot of really BAD teachers. (Maybe it was because of them that I became a teacher. I knew I could do it better!) In one French class in my university there was a student from Haiti who spoke French as his first language. He just took the course so he could get an easy grade. The rest of the students struggled in that class - we were always confused by how to use French words and grammar, or how to pronounce the words and sentences we were learning. Unfortunately, the teacher would ask questions of our classmate from Haiti who always answered perfectly, so she assumed we all understood. And if one of us could not answer a question, she would then compare us to the native French speaker and say, “You see, this is so easy!”.

Actually, I had even worse teachers when I went to France, but that is another story! I wonder if any of you have had some bad teachers. What problems did you face? How do you think the teacher could have done better? Let us know about your experiences!

I’ve been sick for the past few months, nothing too serious (I hope!) but the doctors don’t know how to help me. Or maybe they do know how to help me but they don’t know how to tell me in English! This morning I read the quote below and I wonder if it’s true. I probably wouldn’t have accepted it when I was feeling well, but now… It makes sense to me! Think about it - even if you have all the learning in the world, what value is it if you feel sick all the time?  Anyway, here’s the quote:

“Health is worth more than learning.”

~ Thomas Jefferson ~

(Language note: “worth more” means that it is better, that it has more value.)

So, Dear Readers, what do you think? How do you feel when you are sick? Do you feel differently when you are well? I’m eager to read your comments!

I am always surprised by my students in China! When I ask them to write about which is more important, love or money, they always say money. One hundred percent of the students agree. (These are young students. Maybe older Chinese would disagree.) I wonder, how do you feel about this question? If you could be rich, but had no love, would that be acceptable? If you had love, but were poor, would that be okay? I think I could live without money, but living without love is just too painful. Well, that’s my opinion. What’s yours?

I am writing an “ebook” - an “electronic book” for my students. I hope my students will give it to their friends, and their friends will give it to THEIR friends, and so on. Using this kind of “viral marketing” (it is like a cold virus!), I hope my ebook will become wildly popular. Do you think my “Copymust Warning” (see below) will be misunderstood by many students? Of course, I mean it as a joke, but I wonder if students can understand it or not! I’m looking forward to hearing your opinion!

COPYMUST WARNING!

The following ebook MAY BE COPIED and given to ALL of your friends!

By reading this ebook, you agree that you MUST give it to your friends! Failure to give it to at least five friends will result in Teacher Joe hunting you down and making you pay. Do not take this warning lightly – send this ebook to your five best friends who are learning English. And make sure they also send it to five friends. If your five best friends are not learning English, send it to five not-so-good friends. If you have no friends, read it out loud to your pet. If you have no pets, go outside and read it out loud to anyone passing by. You can even read it in your pyjamas, I don’t care. Just do it! (Right now, please. I’m getting old and am in a hurry to become famous.)

You have been warned!!

Of course, there is no easy answer to this question. I think it is useful to look at an example of a good post now and then. I really liked this post from Gloria, which tells an interesting story. One thing that makes it stand out is that it’s personal. I can identify with her feeling and understand her reactions to the French coach. Please go to her post and give her a comment, to encourage her to keep on writing! 

During my five plus years in Beijing, I have passed by the Drum Tower more than a hundred times. Yesterday, finally, I went inside. I learned about the way the Drum Tower, and the nearyby Bell Tower, were used for time-keeping in the past. There are also some other kinds of ancient time-keeping devices on display next to many large, traditional drums. I learned that the first Drum Tower was build in 1272. It was destroyed twice and the current building was built in 1420.

My visit to the Drum Tower was far more interesting than a typical visit to Wangfujing.  I enjoyed learning a bit about history but the best thing was the view. From the second floor, you can see south to Jingshan Park. To the west of the park you can see the dome of the new Beijing Performance Arts Centre and get a good view of Hou Hai, one of the ponds where emperors used to play and where young people now come to drink on the weekends. The “Fragrant Hills”, to the far west of Beijing, were visible yesterday, a sign that maybe Beijing’s pollution is in fact being reduced. To the north is the Bell Tower, just a short walk from the Drum Tower. To the east is Beijing’s prospering Chaoyang District, including the tallest buildings in the city.

 It was a worthwhile visit, though I recommend going on a clear day. I think you’ll enjoy the view! 

Today I have a funny quote for you. What do you think of the sentence below?

“If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.”

I like the quote because it’s true, but I also like the play on words. “Outgo” is not a real word, but we can guess what it means here by comparing it to “income” which is the money you get from your job. (When we work, money “comes in”, right?) The word “upkeep” means to keep your life style - eating the foods you like to eat, living in a nice house or apartment, driving a nice car or buying the latest fashions, etc. The meaning of “downfall” should be obvious - if  you fall down, it is not a good thing!

So, what do you think about money? 

Thanks to Shirley from Girls on Top for my page of the week, showing Beijing’s new Olympic swimming arena called the “Water Cube“.

Pretty impressive, don’t you think? But I wonder, was it money well spent? Some people think the money spent on the Olympics is an investment in China’s future. Others think it will benefit Beijing only. What’s your opinion?

I am now living near Wangfujing, one of the most famous tourist spots in Beijing. People come from all over China, and from around the world, to walk down a street with a few shops. Exciting! Wangfujing shopping street is mentioned in every guidebook, making it a “must see”. Because it is near Tianmen Square and the Forbidden City and is for pedestrians only, it is easy to visit. In the end, convenience is its only real attraction. I overheard this conversation between two Aussies on the main road, Chang An Jie, last week:

“Hey, Edith, lets walk down a shopping street. It’s very close to here.

“What’s there?

“Nothing but shops, just like the streets we walked down yesterday. And the day before.

“That doesn’t sound too exciting…

“But it’s in the guidebook, so we have to go.

“Well, I suppose you’re right. Which way is it?”

This famous tourist spot has nothing of interest, but it does have two major drawbacks. First, there are no good restaurants. There are plenty of places to eat, but nothing other than “Mian Ai Mian” that I would go to more than once. (”Mian Ai Mian” is a noodle restaurant whose name is a play on words, of sorts. The expression “mian dui mian” means face to face, but “mian” also means noodle, so does “main dui mian” also mean “noodle to noodle”? That would probably be funnier in English than in Chinese, considering “noodle” in English is a slang word for “brain”! For a restaurant in China, though, it is better to change “dui” to “ai” which means “love” so that the name becomes “noodles love noodles”. Or is it “face loves noodles”? Or “noodles love face”? Okay, something may be lost here in translation.)

The other drawback to Wangfujing is all the touts trying to get me to part with large amounts of money. I have to go past Wangfujing on my way to work, so I get accosted by them almost every day. Art “students” frequently want to take me to see wildly overpriced art (my friend’s parents visited Beijing and paid $100 for a small painting worth about $5) or take me for drinks, “just to chat - we want to practice our English”, but then the girls have no money and the bill for three drinks comes to several hundred bucks. In the evenings, there are plenty of women trying to sell themselves, but without much luck, as far as I can tell. All in all, Wangfujing is a wonderful neighborhood - my home, sweet home.

Recently, I’ve been trying to get the art students to “upgrade” their name. I tell them that, since they are working with a teacher who is a real artist, they can use the Spanish word “con”, as we do in “chili con carne” (chili WITH meat). So they are really “con artists” because they are studying WITH artists. I’m hoping they will eventually adopt this much more appropriate title and if you ever walk down Wangfujing shopping street and meet some students who say they are studying art, you too can say, “Oh, you are con artists!” and they will happily agree with you.

If by chance someone is reading this and planning to visit Beijing, you should visit a more typical “hutong” such as Nanluogu Xiang or behind the Drum Tower (Gu Lou), or go to the west side of Hou Hai away from the touristy spots, or visit Dongzhimen Neidajie also known as Ghost Street (Gui Jie) for the restaurants open 24 hours. You’ll have a much better feel for what life used to be like in Beijing than by visiting Wangfujing.

A story for my students

Besides the 10th and 11th grade classes I was scheduled to teach this semester, I am also teaching 7th, 8th and 9th graders. It’s quite a challenge, especially since these 7th, 8th and 9th graders are all together in one class. It doesn’t help that most of them have poor study habits. They lose books, notebooks, pens and pencils. They forget homework assignments. They put things in their lockers then forget their locker keys at home. They dump things on the floor, throw things in the general vicinity of the garbage can, and spill things without ever bothering to clean up. During class, they are more interested in talking with their friends than in studying. It has been a battle trying to get them to pay attention and actually learn something. I keep on trying every day, teaching them history and language arts. Maybe I’m winning some battles, while losing others. Am I winning the war? I’m not sure and won’t have a clear idea until the semester ends in January. My students did write some interesting stories recently. We worked on describing a character, establishing a setting, choosing a problem, and working out a solution to that problem. After reading my students’ stories last weekend, I was inspired to write the story below. I don’t know if it will be funny to you, but my students laughed a lot when reading it. Of course, they know me as “Mr. DeVeto the Mosquito” (why do I have to teach POETRY???) and are aware of my favorite food. The past three months of getting to know me helps them understand the humor in the story. I hope somebody out there enjoys this…

Once upon a time there was a teacher named Velveeto. The great thing about Mr. Velveeto was that he smelled like cheese. Whenever he got near his classroom, all of his students would close their eyes, take in the beautiful smell, and feel happy. Once inside the classroom, all of his students were quiet and peaceful, just content to smell Mr. Velveeto and listen to his soft, soothing, yellowish words. They would sit around the classroom in a half-circle and feel lucky to have such a delicious-smelling teacher!

In our world today, though, nothing is perfect. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, Mr. Velveeto’s cheese-based world turned more full of holes than Swiss cheese. He was in a hurry to get to his class which was quite a distance from his previous class. As he entered the classroom, he was too busy trying to remember the day’s plan to notice the change. He put his bag of books (he called it his “bag of tricks”) on his chair, and pulled out his notes and some blank paper. He pulled out his three heavy history books and put them on his desk with a thud. Slowly, he lifted his head as terror spread throughout his body. He would have screamed but he was much too afraid. All of his students, all thirteen of them, had transformed. Their uniforms were the same, and underneath their desks he could see their legs and feet were normal. But from the necks up, these 13 super sweet, wonderful, engaging little darlings were big, fat rats! Rats with long, sharp teeth. Rats with claws that could grab cheese and bring that cheese to its hungry mouth. The students all looked at Mr. Velveeto and you could almost see the thoughts swirling around in their heads. They hardly seemed to know their teacher, but the smell was obvious. The man who walked into their classroom was NOT a teacher. He was a delicious snack!

The rat-children chattered endlessly. They dropped paper and books and pencils all over the floor. They pushed desks all over the room. Sometimes, they walked around the room, all the while never taking their eyes off of the delectable cheese-flavored man in front of them. They started to smack their lips. They all started moving slowly toward Mr. Velveeto. He knew this could be the end for him. He could be eaten up by his students, one painful nibble at a time! It didn’t seem possible, yet here he was, surrounded by the big fat half-rats. Suddenly, an idea came to him!

There was no time to lose. He picked up his seventh grade history book and said loudly, open your books to page 37. Did you read about the Viking raids on England, as I asked you to do for homework? Most of the rat-headed children didn’t pay attention and kept on moving closer. Two or three of them, however, hesitated. They went back to their desks and got out their books, even though they could not read very well with tiny, little rat-eyes. Eleven big-nosed, sharp-toothed creatures closed in on Mr. Velveeto when he shouted out loud, “Now for you eighth graders, open your books to page 48″, and he picked up their history textbook to show them he was serious. Only one rat-child, a chubby, fast-talking rat wearing a black baseball cap, opened his book, and Mr. Velveeto wondered if his idea was too little, too late. But when the rat in the black hat stopped to open his book, the others stopped to talk to him. Obviously, he was one of their leaders.

The waves of child-rats started to lessen. Next, Mr. Velveeto said, “Now, ninth graders, read from pages 24 to 46 and draw a map that includes all of the major civilizations of the 16^th and 17^th centuries.” Two rats started to think. It looked as if those rat-heads were going to explode! Finally, Mr. Velveeto shouted to all of the rat-kiddies, “Now let’s make a timeline, based on all of the pages we have studied so far”. To his surprise, all of the little rats got to work.

Mr. Velveeto’s idea worked like magic. One rat head slowly started to disappear, and turned into a Beijing duck! Another turned into the Sun! Yet another became a Rose. One became an owl, just screeching “Hu, Hu”. After a few minutes of thinking about history, and the great changes that human beings have gone through, the rat-children realized their true place in the universe is to be human, to be kind, helpful little humans, to learn about their world and prepare for their futures. And so the story ended, but in fact, it was only the beginning. The children’s change into rats had so shocked Mr. Velveeto that he finally was transformed too. He was no longer a teacher. He was now… a pizza!